I hope everyone had a wonderful Labor Day weekend; the last hooray before fall officially makes it start. Some of you may have noticed that I had taken a hiatus from blogging and almost all forms of social media this August. What started off as an unintentional break ended up being a much needed and necessary unplugged time out.
I wasn’t planning on sharing the reasons of my hiatus on the blog, however I’m learning to be more open with myself and those around me. I had mentioned earlier this year in my Real Beauty Blogger post that I suffer from anxiety, an issue that wasn’t easy for me to share. I have always been fiercely protective of my personal life and feelings; it’s easier to deflect than to admit when something is wrong. Being the oldest in my family, the pressure I’ve put on myself to make my parents proud over the years had led me to gloss over any and all feelings of unhappiness. The thing I’ve come to realize this past month is that no one is able to keep all those feelings in forever.
Over the past year, I’ve felt lost and confused at the direction of my life. Being somewhat of a Type A personality, I have lived my life according to a set life plan that made things comfortable. The thing is, life has a way of handing you some lemons and that comfortable life plan just stopped working for me.
August ended up being month of major personal changes for me. In a short time span, two different friends from my home town ended up losing their parents to cancer, my grandmother was hospitalized for a brief health scare, and with an overwhelming amount of change at work, I became emotionally exhausted. One Tuesday afternoon, I ended up making an impulsive and important decision about my life. That decision at first brought me a huge sense of relief and then brought on one of the worst panic attacks of my life. The old cliche “a fish out of water” is probably the best way to describe what it feels like when you feel like your whole world comes crashing down around you.
After months of traditional therapy, I had come to realize that my anxiety was getting worse and not better. While traditional therapy works for so many people, it wasn’t the right solution for me. What I needed most was my family, especially my mom.
I have an amazing family, especially my mom and grandma who were willing to take time off to come down to Chicago and stay with me. Two weeks of being shut off from the world with the two most important people in my life was just want I needed to essentially “reset”. For the first time in a long time, I am feeling more in control of my life and excited about moving on.
A huge thank you to my friends who checked in with me this past month. Those texts and email messages really meant the world to me. I have met so many wonderful women through the blogging community and I am so happy to have some of these women in my life.
I’m back to blogging tomorrow and I can’t wait to share with you guys a few things I’ve been working on. Here is to a new start!